I Saw You. Don't Think I Didn't.

Dear Mr. Skeevy Black Snake,

We saw you when we were taking our walk the other day - don't think you escaped without notice.  Sergeant Sexy watched you slither back into your skeevy hole near the water's edge.  We know where you live.

I seriously considered calling the HOA on your nasty skeeviness, but I didn't because I know black snakes help keep critters and varmints at bay.  And since your underground lair is at the far end of the street from our house, I chose to spare your life.  For now, anyway.

If you make your way into our yard and try to eat one of my babies, I will chop you into 20 pieces.  Remember your Grandpa?  The one that lived near the water in a nearby city in the early 80's?  Well, he didn't die of old age like they told you.  He got too close to Uncle Butthead and me, and Mama chopped him up into tiny pieces.

I will do the same to you.

And then I'll call Aunt Harley and have her come dump you in the trash, just like she did with your skeevy Grandpa.

Consider yourself forewarned.